Cafe Maude, 1/4 stars

Executive Chef: Aaron Slavicek
5411 Penn Ave S, Minneapolis, MN 55419

I don’t like reviewing restaurants when they first open because everyone is on their best behavior. Café Maude is a perfect example. IF you have money to throw to the wind, have a hankering for salt, and you’re on a diet, Café Maude is for you. Their food represents a whole new level of minimalism – even the bread was minimalist. Let’s begin:

$12, 3 slices of tuna not much larger or thicker than a quarter on what seemed to be melba toast: Ok, so we thought maybe this is a starter…..so we moved to the salad that we heard so much about……

$12, Crab – Endive Salad with a piece of crab not much larger than 2”x1”x1” and 4 tiny leaves of lettuce, couldn’t find the asparagus: My friend asked to substitute apple for the asparagus and was told later by the waitress that they could not do it because the salads are premade. As I said, we could not find asparagus on the salads….

At this point we were both starving so we asked the waitress what the largest portion was on the menu. She stated the pork or beef. Hmm, we thought, that’ll be a little heavy at this point and the waitress recommended the scallops. When asked how many were on the plate she said 4 or 5 on top of pasta. Well, then, that sounded perfect.

$22, 3 black scallops the diameter of a quarter and perhaps a half, maybe ¾” inch thick with 1/3 cup of pasta in a watery sauce with no flavor except salt (You would do much better at Palomino where the scallops are perfect.) The waitress checked in with me when the dish arrived and I asked, what part of 4 or 5 on top of pasta does this represent? She offered to bring me another scallop. I accepted. The additional scallop tasted nothing like the other three.

When asked to split the tab, the waitress, whose name shall not be shared for obvious reasons, said she wasn't sure she could do it. This was the same waitress who apparently could not figure out the difference between 3 scallops and 4 or 5.

Also, the presentation was boring to say the least – everything blended into the plate. There was no originality whatsoever, every dish was in a pyramid format and looked like the last.

Needless to say your caloric intake is drawn from the evening ambiance and music and not from the food. $84 tab and still hungry.